Cases of sexism, rape and sexual assault against women have been in news a lot recently over the past year, and especially over the last two months.
Last December, the high profile case in Delhi, India where a 23 year old student was assaulted on her way home from the cinema.
Exposure of everyday events of sexism being experienced by women all round the world by everydaysexism.com project online.
The recent gang rape of a 16 year old girl in Kenya, who was walking home from her grandfather's funeral. Attackers broke her back during the assault and were arrested by police after the victim identified them, but were shortly released after being ordered to cut grass in the yard.
And more closer to home... Last June, the rape of a female student living in the halls of residence adjacent to mine at university, after a man forced entry into her flat.
- Sexual assault of a female student who was walking across the Bristol Downs during the afternoon.
- The rape of a 19 year old female student on a residential drive way, next to the university campus about 5 minutes away from where I live.
The ongoing debate goes round my head of 'was the world always like this or do we just hear about it more now?'. Regardless of that argument that could go on till the cows come home, it doesn't change the fact that I have a response to all this, now.
My response is, I am afraid. I feel fear and anxiety when I am walking alone when it dark. I look over my shoulder. I have to take extra precautions, and if I can't find someone who I can walk home with at night, then I can't go out. That is my reality.
Looking at surroundings, my fear is also justified. When someone who could have been me is raped two blocks away, I don't get as close to the line of risk taking as I can get. I move as far away from the line as possible.
But a response like that doesn't work. It may have decreased my likelihood of being in the 7% of 16-19 year olds that experience sexual assault but it doesn't get to the root of the problem. It just remedies it.
This is because we live in a culture where I am told that it is my responsibility to safeguard myself from rape, harassment, abuse and assault because "boys will be boys and some of them just can't help themselves."
When my response is purely like it is now, I am not just buying in to that culture, I am supporting it. I am shouldering a responsibility which was never mine to take in the first place, because it should be my right, alongside every other woman, not to have to ever experience any of the above.
The good news is that when my response changes, then I can have an impact on my circumstances. When a lot of the people's responses and attitudes are changed, then the shift in circumstances happens. We know that works, we see that everyday.
The trouble is, unless you or someone directly connected with you has experienced sexual assault, harassment, stalking or abuse, then you are probably are unlikely to be in the minority that care about gender issues. You may not even be a woman and think that such cases have no relevance to your life.
This is my question then.
What if it was your housemate?
What if it was your sister?
What if it was your niece?
What is it was your daughter?
Would the situation change then or would it be exactly the same. "That's different" I have heard the response to this be, "it's personal then." The danger is there that we are not realising it is already personal.
Who are the perpetrators of this seemingly wide spread sexism, harassment and abuse then?
We don't have to look so far.
It's you. And it's me.
We may not be the ones committing the crime, but the way we act, the way we think is encouraging and feeding this culture.
When you look at a woman as an object. When I don't report sexual harassment.
When you try to pass off men whistling, cat-calling and yelling at a woman as a compliment to how she looks. When you lie to a guy who is bothering you saying "I have a boyfriend" instead of "I'm not interested"... you are encouraging a screwed up reality that says it is okay for sexism to exist and it is my responsibility to not get myself raped.
I am not asking whether you have sexist values or not, I am assuming you do; as I do. We all victims of our culture and of each other's attitudes in one way or another, and I don't have to look far for an example in my life.
But now has never been a better time for changes our responses and overturning the upside down reality that is giving us 10,000 hits in one hour of sexual harassment and abuse (everydaysexism.com).
It will take changes from us all because it affects us all, in one way or another.
Parents, talk to your sons about their responsibility not to rape and that if woman cannot legally consent then sex under intoxication is rape.
Men, take up your responsibility. Challenge your views and thoughts of how you see women and how your culture views women. Don't think that this issue doesn't apply to you. Don't rape or sexually harass women and condemn those who do. Don't be a part of it.
Women, don't take responsibility for what is not yours to take. Don't stop pushing for your rights, and don't add to the sexism. Challenge the view that says you are an object for someone else's pleasure, and talk to your siblings and friends about it. Join in with politics. Without representation for women, how can we think that the issues that are directly relevant and important for us with be prioritised and discussed and change will happen. It won't happen without us so it needs to happen with us.
These thoughts don't cover it, and don't even touch on the massive barriers of sexism towards men all over the world.
But that was never the point. The point is to show that things for what they really are, and to make clear that we are the ones standing for this and just a few things of the vast many we can do to change what we see around us.
We don't have to sit down; all we need to do is change what we are standing for.
afternote:
the title of this blog post comes from a seminar at university which my housemate attended on sex and gender law. going round the group of 16 people, one student stated that they didn't want to mention the 'f' word, meaning no one wanted to say they are a feminist.
when feminism, which is at it's most simple definition is a belief in the equality of women to men and in women's rights (such as the right to vote) is equated with the use of a swear word, then i find it hard to believe that sexism isn't a problem anymore in this country.
All these websites had an impact on this blog post. They are interesting. Have a read.
Really interesting piece, honestly written. Xxx
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